Dear Mr. Mail Carrier,
Let me thank you for your services, timely deliveries, and for personally dropping off large packages on my doorstep occasionally, despite your fear of chihuahuas. I really, really appreciate that all of my mail is in perfect, orderly condition when I retrieve it from my box, #5, on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday evenings.
I'd like to apologize for any superfluous barking my chihuahuas may do at the sight of your uniform and knee high socks, but I'd like to compliment you on how well you wear the whole USPS get-up; always looking sharp, Mr. Mail Carrier.
Let me ask, what was the reason behind changing the lock on my box,#5, without notice or receipt of new key? I know I haven't been as prompt as usual with the retrieval of my mail for the past two weeks, but is this really just cause for locking me out? Giving me the axe? 86'ing me from my bills and neighborhood advertisements?
After discovering that my key wasn't fit for the lock I was trying, I got back in my car and drove around, completely convinced that I had the wrong set of collective mailboxes. Fifteen minutes later, to my complete and utter surprise, I realized I was in the right place! So, I tried my key again and again and again and it still didn't work. I turned my key so hard it almost broke off - right there in the lock!
I understand that you're a very busy man and have no time for petty requests, but nothing would make me happier, Mr. Mail Carrier, after walking an entire block to my mailbox, than to be able to collect my Val-U-Pak, my neon yellow Big Brothers and Sisters postcard, and my cable television billing statement. I'm sure you understand how passionate I am about collecting my mail as I'm sure you're just as passionate about delivering it.
I am requesting that a copy of the new mailbox key be delivered immediately - you know where I live. Let's work together to resolve this.
Keep Cool!
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